Monday, May 2, 2011

Commitment

I've been rattling something around the tin can for a while now: will I be a marathoner, or will I be someone who ran a marathon once.

My first marathon was an unequivocal event for me. It was a can-do statement to myself about the value of my sobriety, self-worth, and determination. I deserved to run the marathon after all I'd been through, and nothing was going to stop me. I cried some as I ran it, it was such a powerful place to be.

Of course, I want to feel that again. I loved the training and the everyday sense of accomplishment as I licked one more piece of the goal. I loved how fit I got, and I couldn't believe the things my body was able to do. I loved having such a massive goal, and I loved attaining it.

It wasn't all love of course. Life got in the way of too much of my training. There was a lot of pain involved. I did not spend as much time with the Hub as either of us would have liked.

But as time passes and I try to think this out with a level head, I realize that the reason I'm coming back to it again and again has to do with passion. There is calm and calculation, but the thing I love about the marathon -- from the 4am runs to the ice baths, the epic runs and the finish line -- is you cannot compete or complete it without passion.

And so it is without a level head and on a very strong whim that I've decided to be a marathoner. Yay!! Next up, Twin Cities Marathon 10-02-11.

1 comment:

Jade said...

Ack! Yay! I'm so excited. I was bummed I missed the last one, and I REALLY want to come watch you run in October. I don't know how or if I will pull it off, but I'm going to try.

I have that nervous-excited throw up feeling for you. I'm not sure what that's about...